Milton Jones brings his Milton: Impossible show to The Churchill

PUBLISHED: 07:00 24 January 2020

Milton is known for his madcap cryptic style and of course that hair. Picture: Aemen Sukkar

Milton is known for his madcap cryptic style and of course that hair. Picture: Aemen Sukkar


He is the king of the one-liners on shows like Mock the Week, but his humour is usually so off-kilter it takes a special kind of mind to understand many of his cryptic thoughts.

This is, of course, Milton Jones. He's the one with the wild hair and often outrageous shirts.

His latest stage show is being called Milton: Impossible. And it is coming to the Churchill Theatre, Bromley on February 14.

Complete with his unique style and eccentric shirts, Milton will reveal the truth behind having once been an international spy, and then being given a somewhat disappointing new identity which forced him to appear on Mock The Week (BBC Two), Live at the Apollo (BBC One), Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow (BBC One) and even headline on Dave's One Night Stand (Dave).

This is a love story with a twist, or at least a really bad sprain. Is it all just gloriously daft nonsense, or is there a deeper meaning? Every man has his price.

Milton said: "My latest show is called Milton: Impossible and is loosely based on a Tom Cruise film I saw once called something like Undo-able Task.

"In it I play a Milton who appears to just have a job in Asda, but at night he's also an international spy involved in secret things and quite bad situations. But if daft jokes give you an allergic reaction and send you into a coma, then don't come running to me.

"Also, at a difficult time for our country, I believe there's a chance this show could unite the nation. Admittedly quite a small chance."

He said: "I made a rod for my own back by theming it. But sometimes it's easier to write to a theme than have a completely blank page.

You may also want to watch:

"The show is based on Mission: Impossible, but Mission: Impossible has a huge budget and lots of special effects. My show is just me and some hats and about 250 jokes. It's low-tech instead of high-tech.

"If you're going to do a show for over an hour you can't just tell bits, that's what I do on Mock the Week and Live at the Apollo, which is fine, but you want something with the veneer of satisfaction, otherwise it's too fragmented.

"This show's got an interrogation scene, a car chase with a swivel chair, and I end up escaping on top of a Vince Cable Car. It's not strictly realistic, but it's as daft as ever."

He added: "Even after all these years, I'll think I've written the best joke ever and it turns out to be one of the worst jokes ever - but what I've improvised off the back of it stays in the show. So I would have never got to point B without going through the dreadful point A.

"There are about 250 jokes in the show, but I reckon I end up writing about 350. A lot of them are then used somewhere else - in the next tour, on radio, on Mock the Week - so they're never wasted. And if they're particularly brilliant then I might go out of my way to include them in the show."

Milton says plenty of thought goes into his shows, and said: "What makes the perfect joke? If a gag works, it makes a cartoon in someone's head - a very brief picture where they think they know where it's going, and then you pull the carpet from under them and it was all about something else all along. It's reverse engineering from an idea or a phrase."

His last tour played to more than 100,000 people and he has been on Mock the Week 40 times.

He said: "Going to small place on a Saturday night where they're all determined to have a great laugh - I don't think that can be beaten.

"With radio or television, you're as good as the edit."

Tickets available from

If you value what this story gives you, please consider supporting the Bexley Times. Click the link in the orange box above for details.

Become a supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years. Our industry faces testing times, which is why we're asking for your support. Every contribution will help us continue to produce local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Latest from the Bexley Times